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Submitted on
April 7, 2011
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Stranded in Europe: 1295 by YNot1989 Stranded in Europe: 1295 by YNot1989
Ok, this is a just a for the fun of it map, that spiraled into something a little too detailed for the context.


You ever ask yourself of what you would do if you suddenly found yourself in the middle of Medieval Europe with only what you were holding onto at the time of your, "departure."

Well I have, and being a bit of a megalomaniac type, I decided that should I ever find myself in this backwards age, I'd do my best to conquer the continent and speed up the Renaissance and the Enlightenment... baring that I don't die of the myriad of diseases that existed at the time.

All right, so I've arrived, its 1295 AD, and I'm in, oh lets say in the woods in central France. All I have is my mountain bike, one nylon saddle bag, my 6 year old MacBook, a padlock, my cloths, my Droid2, my wallet, and my 3'' folding knife (my usual stuff for when I bike to campus in the mornings). I find my way to a little town sample some of the local water and immediately contact dissentary. After ditching my gear in the woods, putting it under cover, and pretending to be a poor traveler who was just robbed, I spend the next month in bed of a kindly butcher's home, politely declining the leaches he insists to use to combat the disease, and doing my best to learn the local language (which has about as much in common with modern French as Latin does with English). After a month I have somehow managed to survive and begin working at the butcher shop to earn my keep.

After five months I've gotten a hang for the local tongue, but the flue sweeps into town, putting my employer and his buxom daughter (Shut up my fantasy) out of commission and on their death beds, I, however, having several centuries of immunities built up against the flue, am completely unaffected. After a week, the local priest brands me some kind of witch for refusing to allow my master and his family to be treated with traditional methods, instead administering the unheard of treatment of boiling water, and removing human waste. A third of the village dies, but my masters survive healthier than the rest of the town.

Thankful for my treatment, I am allowed to pursue certain scientific endeavors that I had been suggesting for quite some time, specifically creating a working refrigerator. Constructing a crude reverse heat engine powered by a local stream, the butcher shop can now keep its stock fresh for months at a time rather than letting it go bad. Using the leftover fat from the butcher shop I create an inexpensive lye soap to bring in additional profits.

At the end of my first year I have good relationships with most traveling peddlers and the town's stink has finally begun to lift somewhat. I have also begun to use my stocks of salt peter to create a new invention, DYNAMITE. Using my new invention to clear a new path to neighboring towns, I place a toll on the new road and begin to pull in enough money to buy my own domicile. The invention of Dynamite, however, has caused the local abbey to label me a genuine Witch, and try's to burn me for my sins. The town, however, does something unprecedented and demands that the church free me, as I have made their lives considerably better since arriving. They succeed in freeing me, but the abbot orders riders be sent to Rome to inform the Pope of my actions.

I tell the townsfolk that given the proper support I can ready them to repel any invading force from the Church, and they readily agree to help me prepare them. Over the next several months we construct a moat using dynamite far enough outside of town to prevent enemy archers and ballistics from hitting us. A machine shop is constructed using a combination of wind and water power, and we being building a Bessemer smelter. And to finally repel the stench from the town, we create the first sewer in Western Europe since the fall of Rome.

By the time the Church's forces arrive to arrest me, they are incapable of crossing the new moat without continued assault from local archers and a few well placed sticks of dynamite. Most retreat after a day. Celebrations erupt throughout the town and after enough mead finds its way into my system I make a speech. I talk about the Church, and how my way, the way of science, has done more in a year and a half to make the lives of the people of this town better than centuries of religious wars and false prophets. Apparently the speech was a success, after I had to have it retold to me by one of the less drunken townies.

Over the next year the machine shop and forge begins to show real results. We're making steel at a respectable rate and the adjacent mill is driving a boom with local farmers. Many people from nearby towns begin moving to our little village and we begin to expand. By January the whole town is heated by Ben Franklin style stoves, and enough steel has been made to construct a concrete and rebar wall around the village by the moat. Growth is picking up as more and more people come to town.

By my fourth year the town, now city has blossomed. The Machine shop now has a few working steam engines to drive most of our tools, and the Church has given up on trying to take what is now a well fortified city. We're a trading up, merchants travel along our new paved roads to buy and distribute our wares across Europe, the most popular items being soaps, pocket watches, and typewriters. Presently a new project dominates what is now too small of a workshop, and so construction of a real factory has begun on the west side of town. The goal is to one day build a working locomotive.

Its year six, and we have two rail lines running to port cities and mining towns in the hills. The city, now named Metropolis, is the largest city in Western Europe, and what has become my business, Paradigm Company, has absorbed almost every enterprise in the city and the towns our rail lines meet. We've begun construction on several new lines, and a large ornate central station.

It is my tenth year in this time, and the Catholics have lost their patience with me. I've been publishing (essentially plagiarizing, but that's an argument for time-traveling copyright lawyers) a number of books by the great thinkers of my time using what little I have on my laptop or in my head. I'm publishing them in English, my version of English, which is becoming popular among intellectuals and the youth. They are most displeased with my two most recent books: On the Origin of Species, and The God Delusion, both of which are selling like gangbusters thanks to my printing presses and use of modern advertising. Almost all of France and most of Spain have come under my de-facto control. My first book, The Wealth of Nations (revised considering Mercantilism doesn't even exist yet) has all but destroyed the credibility of Monarchs in the area.

During my 12th Year, I offer a new option for people using my trains and roads. Register for a yearly tax and ride for free needing only an identity card. The plan is very popular in both rural areas and cities, and effectively makes me the governing body of the areas where my trains and roads reach. The Holy Roman Empire complete their federation with the Papal States the same year, and ban my goods from their territory. Any public support for science, capitalism, or the early Humanist movement is punishable by death. After a number of hangings of local monarchs by rebels decrying their support of the Church's measures, my private army assumes control over France, Spain, and Holland.

Year 23; a cold war between my territory, what is now all of Western Europe save for the British Isles, and the Romans has reached the tipping point. Denmark has opened its ports to my shipping vessels (now all steam powered) driving the Romans to attack my business assets in Denmark. With new recruits pouring in, I send my Army to the border and demand to the local Baron that he stand down and tell the Pope that goes for all who attack my property. When he says no, I have my army (all armed with single shot break action rifles) to fire on the Holy Romans. The battle is over in 15 minutes. Proclaiming that the Holy Roman Empire is an immediate threat to Reason and the economy of my territories, I launch a full scale invasion of Holy Roman Territory. My allies in Sicily do likewise. Deciding that an actual government would be necessary to administer my existing holdings, I work with local business leaders to establish a formal government in Metropolis. Essentially a Parliamentary Democracy, with myself as Chairman of the Council of Businesses (essentially a more powerful version of the British House of Lords) legislative power is given to an electorate rather than residing completely within my numerous franchises.

....Ok if you sat through all of that, congratulations, you must think I'm either pure evil, or completely insane. Your call not mine.

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Outlaw123 Featured By Owner May 5, 2013
this is really good i enjoyed the story
ShadiosTheGreat Featured By Owner May 4, 2013
Comparing to the doofs in charge by that time, I'd say you're a fricking genious.
thaumh Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist
You ARE pure evl, AND completely insane... and absolute genius. Let's just hope that when you get to America, you treat the natives a lot better than the Europeans of our native timeline did.
Saint-Tepes Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
If its 1295 why is it written on the map 1318?
YNot1989 Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Ah, shit.
TheElevatedDeviant Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2012
That was.... quite entertaining.
Cheetaaaaa Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2012
To make the Teutonic Order pagain is a very strange idea, since the order was used to christianise the Baltics...
SpartanNinja141 Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2011
Maybe you're both, but if I was in college then sent back to this time I'd do the same. Might I say you're brilliant.
AmongTheSatanic Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2011  Hobbyist Artist
I really like this timeline of yours. The fact that so many other mapmakers have been creating maps like this has driven me into working on a rather odd one of my own. BTW, you kept saying' Roman's, and at this time, the Byzantines called themselves Roman, and those in the HRE had no denonym.
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